Rehearsal

So tonight we will be rehearsing the big event.

Who stands where? Who comes in first? Who is speaking? Who sits with whom?

So much to think about and so much to remember. So far, it seems we have easy parts. My husband and our sons are the ushers at the wedding and I am reading at the ceremony... after that we are off the hook :)

I will be reading the poem "Footsteps" which was one of our Mother's favourites.

Footprints in the Sand

One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord. Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky.

In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand. Sometimes there were two sets of footprints, other times there was one only.

This bothered me because I noticed that during the low periods of my life, when I was suffering from anguish, sorrow or defeat, I could see only one set of footprints, so I said to the Lord,

“You promised me Lord, that if I followed you, you would walk with me always. But I have noticed that during the most trying periods of my life there has only been one set of footprints in the sand. Why, when I needed you most, have you not been there for me?”

The Lord replied, “The times when you have seen only one set of footprints, my child, is when I carried you.”

~ Mary Stevenson, 1936

What I hope that my brother and his bride realize is that the best rehearsal is the one we never have - the rehearsal of a terrible argument. The rehearsal of one of them being unemployed. The rehearsal of disagreeing over how to discipline children. The rehearsal of supporting a friend or family member whose needs exceed their reserve of strength, money or time.

These are the true challenges of a marriage.

We are fortunate to have a Faith that reminds us that the Lord will never leave us - His absence is only because we have left Him. Marriages are somewhat more fragile than the love of the Lord. We need to continually reaffirm our love for a spouse.

It is important to feel love often with a spouse - and our spouse needs that too... the Lord doesn't mind if the talk with Him is quiet... the Lord will still be there if we are distracted by moving to a new house or if we are busy on a trip. A spouse may be more affected!

What we need to know going into a marriage is that sometimes as we mentally replay those life images there will be only one set of footprints in the sand. Only a naive couple would think they will always walk side by side.

The first years of our lives there are many times when we walk alone with our Faith. And as time moves on, many people walk alongside us for a moment or two as we move through the journey of life. But there are times when we are on our own and we have to be strong enough to survive through those times.

The decision to marry is a tremendous and very meaningful decision. That person will walk along with us very often in our life and they will always have a key spot in our memories and our life story. But in addition to married spouses there are other very special and important people.

Our parents, our children, close family, dear friends, a special teacher, a Faith leader, a caring neighbour, an amazing person who we find in an unusual place... each of those people are important and some of them will walk with us for a long time and others for just a brief moment.

But ultimately, our footprints through life are never totally alone. And for those of you whose life I walk through, know that my prints might not appear by your side as you go - but in my heart, I walk only a few paces behind.

Be well.

Jen

Today ~ Tomorrow ~ Always

We are in the last few days getting ready for my brother's wedding.

A very exciting time, that's for sure. With Mom passing away in February 2009 and then my stroke in September 2010 it's been a rough couple of years. My aunts and uncles and our family have all held together in this very trying time but we are OVERDUE for a reason to celebrate!

I can't wait to welcome the "new Jen" to the family - she has been a wonderful addition to my brother's world and we are delighted to be so blessed with a new branch on our family tree.

As the sister of the groom I will take advantage of my perks and share with you one of my most favourite of their engagement pictures... sigh :)

Engaged to be married on Saturday, August 6, 2011

Life is an adventure for sure and no marriage is perfect. It takes work and commitment and there are moments of cloudy skies and all kinds of unpredictable challenges. But then there are days when a baby is born or one of you is hospitalized and suddenly all the reasons you married rush back into your mind and love is found under a layer of dust in the corner of the room.

I look forward to watching my brother and his amazing fiancée commit themselves to each other for the rest of time. What a wonderful reason to celebrate !!!!

Dennis and 'the other' Jen (my Brother and Sister-in-law to be :)  )

Lazy Hazy Days

First of all I apologize for it having taken me so long to write. Summer is a busy time every year for families with young children and indeed my summer is no exception.

The boys have been enjoying the warm weather and have had a couple stints at day camps. We have also had some birthday parties to attend and have enjoyed time near the water away from the city.

But not all of the summer has been dreamy. I started this blog to keep you up to speed about the journey of a woman recovering from a massive brain hemmorrhage and surgery. My health is a work in progress. I have been able to continue to challenge myself and see people and experience more and more visual and audio stimulus. I still feel fearful and overwhelmed in busy environments and my system still responds with tears and if I am overwhelmed my mind seems to try to make me sleep.

On Sunday, July 24, I had just finished a weekend with a busy social calendar. On the Friday we had my brother and his fiancée to dinner and Saturday we drove out of town to attend our niece and nephew's birthday party (a modest family event on both occasions but still alot for me). On Sunday we drove home and that night I was on the computer and noticed that I was finding it more difficult to read.

I tried to work through it and hope that I could recover the ability to read but instead it got more difficult to read and then I was not able to type... I made eye contact with my husband across the house. After this I have no memory until I 'woke up' with about 6 uniformed men around me asking me questions and talking in hushed voices with my husband.

I am told that my husband heard a crash in the room where my 'office' is and he came in and found me slumped off my chair and having a seizure. He stayed with me until the seizure stopped and then called 911. When the emergency responders arrived I am told they asked me questions like what my name is and I answered with statements like 'I have red pajamas.'

I was taken by ambulance to the Civic Hospital where I had spent a couple months last Fall. They took me quite quickly into the Emergency Room and they did blood work and a CT scan.

What can I say? I guess my brain is not quite fixed.

This is the first seizure since the actual stroke last September so I was not expecting to live through this again. That said, I did have a TIA experience in February as well.

The Wednesday before the seizure I had had a MRI in preparation for an October appointment with my Neurologist. I believe that I had mentioned to you that the clot on the left drainage vein from my brain was still there in the March MRI. Well, the MRI on Wednesday was to check again - although my Neurologist did not expect further natural change since the clot would (should?) have already left if it was going to correct itself.

Because of my trip to the Emergency Room with my seizure, they told me about the results of my Wednesday MRI. The clot remains. Not good news but obviously I can live with it (smiles weakly).

They performed a CT scan to see if there was new bleeding in my brain as a cause for my seizure and there was not. That IS good news so hooray!

My blood work revealed that I had an extremely low level of Phosphate. They did say that it can cause seizures when it is as low as my Phosphate level was... and they asked if I had been eating because lack of food can cause the Phosphate to plummet. I had had a weekend with a very varied and fullsome diet so that was not the reason. Anyway, they put me on 4 hrs of IV Phosphate as well as requiring me to take some Rx Phosphate tablets that dissolve in water.

My husband was asked to take Monday off of work to stay with me so that I would not be left alone. He and I had both been up all night so the rest during the day on Monday was appreciated.

I had been feeling 'unwell' that weekend which I attributed to my busy schedule. What might be no big deal for most people was very tough for me. Even driving to the lake on Sat and home on Sun was alot for me because there is a lot of visual and audio stimuli on that trip.

Anyway, I wanted to take this opportunity to tell you about the new development in my health. It hasn't all be bad news by the way... I have been planning and preparing for my brother's Wedding Day!!! He and his lovely fiancee are getting married - this Saturday, August 6.

I can't wait for the day to come - our family could use the reason to get together and party.

Will give you more frequent updates as time goes by this week. Thanks for your patience and warm wishes.

Be well,

Jen