Mindfulness

Guess what! Despite my reduced abilities, my mind is still bright and shiny and beautiful and able! It really is. I spoke to my mind and my body (more accurately... I LISTENED to my mind and my body) this morning during an exceptional period of guided mindfulness in a rehabilitation session.

• When was the last time you sat in silence?
• Have you ever meditated?
• Do you check in with the parts of your body?
• Are you aware of every sense's contribution to the most simple moments?

I would have said No to each of those before this morning but now I will do this as often as possible.

Mermaid me in another place and time

With the benefit of silence and calm and relaxation this morning I saw my brain swim and soar and twirl and circle playfully, pause reflectively and consider things as I always was able. Agile and adaptable and brilliant. Like a beautiful movie in the beautiful sea... 

And THEN it is time to talk about it or to verbalize it or even to define it and suddenly my beautiful movie stalls and stutters and skips frames. The image melts on the screen and my beautiful brain is ashamed and dismayed and looks away... A tear spills into that ocean. Perhaps that is how my ocean arrived... One tear at a time...

It hurts to struggle with the abilities I used to take for granted. It is a huge regret that I was not more thankful for it being so easy at the time.

But instead of living in that regret I have work to do to continue my regrowth. Everything happens for a reason. How can I grieve for a gift that I enjoyed while it was mine? It was not mine forever... only loaned to me. 

Perhaps on September 7, 2010 a new child was born and was gifted with that blessing - if I could find them, my silent gesture would be to tenderly touch their cheek and wish them joy and awareness of the depth of that gift.
Thank you for walking this far with me - even if we have never met I am grateful for your virtual presence - for this shared experience, and for feeling connected to the world beyond my Self. But please forgive me if me, myself, and I spend some quiet time to reconnect.

*smiles quietly*

Be well,

Jen

P.S.: A belated Happy Valentine's Day with an affectionate tribute to my husband whose proposal was 12 years ago... And to my Brassavola Nodosa (a type of orchid) who brings me joy and beauty even in the middle of the night.

Brassavola Nodosa